I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
