I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
