dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
