Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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