Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
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