The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
