I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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