The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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