i will never coherently bang her
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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