I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize