If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
