Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
