I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
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Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
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You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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