He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
