Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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