I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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