I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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