if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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