just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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