Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
