he puts the penis in happiness.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
