Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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