If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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