So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
