He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Randomize
