after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
