I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
