So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
