You smell like a Billy Joel song
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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