I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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