I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
