my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
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Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
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I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Someone signed my nipple.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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