He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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