He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
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You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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