FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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