Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
