You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
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That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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