I don't usually arrange sex via text message
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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