the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
