you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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