You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
