New low: just hacked my moms facebook
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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