I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
