omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
