I swear she didn't look like that last week.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Can I color on your dick again?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
