So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Randomize
