That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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