I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I deserve this hangover.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
