You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
