Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
