If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
