please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I did not marry a roomba.
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