Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
P.S. I can't hear my feet
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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