I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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