direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
