his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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