ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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