I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Someone shit on the floor
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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