You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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