I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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