My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
