I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
