i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
