hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
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