Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
