dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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