it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
