I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
