Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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