So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
