im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
