I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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