Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
