my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
