I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
