At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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