and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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