my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
operation harelip BJ is a go
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
