I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
A bitchslap is in order.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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