Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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