yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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