he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
